An Astrological Guide to Surviving a Week of Hauntings & Hard Truths, for all zodiac signs!
"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." — Hunter S. Thompson
This morning I crafted a long, searingly honest, borderline-unhinged text message meant for my distant (both geographically and emotionally) friend from years ago, only to accidentally send it to my landlord. His one-word reply -"OK" - has left me in a state of existential dread I haven't felt since I last attempted singing in public.
The signals are crossed, the wrong information is going to the wrong people, and the Mercurial trickster is officially doing key bumps in the corner and cackling. We are swimming in the murky, gator-infested waters of a pre-retrograde shadow, and this week, the bottom is about to drop out.
Think of this week as the final, chaotic scene in a heist movie right before the main character has to go into hiding, soundtrack to this scene something like “John L” by black midi. We’re still feeling the sobering, structural demands of last week’s Capricorn Full Moon, a cosmic audit that left us with a long list of shit we need to fix (by the way, I crafted a meditation fix for that HERE).
Now, the universe is about to unplug the computer before we’ve saved our work.
The headliner of this celestial shitshow is Mercury, the planet of thought and talk, stationing retrograde in dramatic-ass Leo on Thursday. This isn’t just your standard “don’t buy a plane ticket” retrograde (yep, wouldn’t you know it, I’ve just been offered a short and much needed hospitality gig that would require me to get my shit together and jump on a plane on Friday…I mean, talk about dilemmas!).
Rather, it’s a three-week-long identity crisis, a full-scale theatrical review of our egos, our creativity, and our desperate need to be seen. It's a cosmic brake-check designed to make us question the very story we’ve been telling about ourselves.
⚡️🤯 Monday's Psychic Static & Heart Blessings
The week kicks off with the dreamy, sensitive Pisces Moon getting into a fight with the cool kids. It forms a jarring square to both Venus and Uranus in Gemini, creating a classic head-versus-heart conflict. Your intuition (Pisces) is clashing with a flood of new, chaotic information (Gemini).
It’s the feeling of knowing something in your gut but not being able to articulate it, leading to social awkwardness or feeling misunderstood. But just as the static gets too loud, the Moon forms a flowing trine to Jupiter in Cancer. This is a saving grace, a moment of profound emotional luck. A conversation with a loved one or a sudden wave of compassion can bring a sense of deep, nurturing security.
🌊🤝 Tuesday's Cosmic Peace Treaty
A day of beautiful, watery harmony. The Sun in Cancer forms a perfect trine to the Moon in Pisces. This is a cosmic peace treaty between your conscious self and your emotional depths. Your intuition is sharp, your empathy is dialed up to eleven, and you can connect with others on an almost telepathic level.
A gorgeous day for heartfelt conversations, creative work that comes from the soul, and any kind of healing. If you need to make peace with someone, or with yourself, this is the day to do it.
🚧🔥 Wednesday’s Saturnian Smackdown
This one stings. Like every sudden reality check. The Moon moves into fiery, impulsive Aries and immediately conjuncts both Saturn and Neptune. A heavy, sobering, and potentially confusing combination. Your desire to act (Aries) is met with the weighty responsibility and limitations of Saturn, all while being shrouded in the disorienting fog of Neptune. You might feel blocked, pessimistic, or unsure of your own identity.
But it’s not all doom and gloom. The Moon also sends out supportive sextiles to both Uranus and Pluto, suggesting that if you can face the pressure head-on, you can have a radical breakthrough in your thinking and reclaim your power.
⏪ DRAMA THURSDAY: MERCURY IS DEAD, LONG LIVE MERCURY ⏪
This is the main event. Mercury, the planet of communication, thought, and commerce, stations retrograde in the sign of Leo. A three-week backward dance in Leo is all about the drama. Think any musical number from Moulin Rouge. A bit too much, no rest for the brain, but oh look at the colors! Expect misunderstandings to be theatrical, creative projects to hit a wall, and exes to slide back into your DMs with straight up unsolicited nudes. This isn't just about travel delays and tech glitches - it's a profound re-evaluation of our ego, our need for validation, and how we perform our identity for the world.
Watch for how you feel on the stage of life. How are you made to feel by the supporting cast. Is the set design about to collapse? Is the audience asleep? It’s time to review the script of your life.
🐂👿 Friday’s Stubborn Power Struggles
The Moon moves into stubborn, sensual Taurus and immediately squares off with Pluto in Aquarius. This is a day of intense, fixed power struggles. Your personal need for tangible, real-world security and comfort (Taurus) is in direct conflict with the overwhelming forces of collective, ideological change (Aquarius). This could manifest as a personal fight over money and resources, or a larger struggle against a system that feels oppressive and dehumanizing. Don’t expect anyone to back down today.
🤬🛠️ Saturday’s Frustrating But Productive Grind
Everyone’s favorite on the menu today: Mixed signals. The Taurus Moon squares a now-retrograde Mercury in Leo, making conversations frustrating and ego-driven. It’s hard to see eye-to-eye when everyone is clinging to their own perspective. But, the Moon also forms a beautiful, productive trine to Mars in Virgo. This gives you the energy and focus to ignore the drama and get shit done. It’s a great day to channel any frustration into a practical, detail-oriented project. Tune out the noise and organize your fucking closet.
🤪✨ Sunday's Electric Ideas & Social Weirdness
The week closes with a jolt as the Moon moves into Gemini and conjuncts Uranus. Expect shocking news, brilliant but scattered ideas, and a high-frequency buzz of nervous energy. It's a day for embracing the unexpected and letting your freak flag fly. The Moon also sextiles Neptune and Saturn in Aries, suggesting that you can ground these flashes of genius in a new sense of purpose and spiritual understanding. It’s a weird, electric, and surprisingly profound end to a chaotic week.
The Dos and Don’ts
- 😵💫 Brain Fog Monday: Don't trust your chaotic thoughts. Do trust a hug from someone who feels like home.
- 🌊 Intuitive Flow Tuesday: Don't overthink it. Do have that deep, heartfelt conversation you've been putting off.
- 🚧 Reality Check Wednesday: Don't let Saturn's reality check crush you. Do use the pressure to have a personal breakthrough.
- ⏪ Retrograde Drama Thursday: Don't start anything new. Do review, revise, and ruthlessly edit the script of your life.
- 👿 Power Struggle Friday: Don't get into a stubborn fight you can't win. Do stand firm in your own tangible values.
- 🛠️ Productive Frustration Saturday: Don't engage with the drama. Do channel your frustration into a meticulous, satisfying project.
- ⚡ Electric Genius Sunday: Don't cling to the plan. Do stay open to the lightning bolt of a brilliant, weird, and game-changing idea.
"My revolution starts from within, expressed through unwavering non-negotiable values.”
🦀 YOUR INNER FORTRESS IS CALLING ⛰️
Feeling the one where you want to curl up in a cozy, protective shell and weep at sad movies, but the world is demanding you be an unshakeable fucking mountain?
Cancer Season's emotional tides are crashing against the stark, structural demands of the Capricorn Full Moon, and we're all caught in the beautiful, messy undertow.
If you feel tired amidst all this polarity, feeling like your heart and your backbone are at war, pause with me for a spin. This guided meditation is a tool to harness that cardinal power and turn the gut-wrenching paradox into your greatest strength.
Click HERE
to build your inner fortress, learn to be both radically soft and brutally strong, and find your unshakeable center in the beautiful chaos.
💫☕
