An Astrological Guide to Surviving the Appropriately Manic First Week of Eclipse Season

"Every revolution evaporates and leaves behind only the slime of a new bureaucracy." — Franz Kafka

The air tastes strange this week - like saltwater, copper, and static. Like a storm about to crack open the skin of the sky. I woke up the other night drenched in sweat, heart racing, like something ancient was rattling the walls of my body, whispering: It’s time. (Full disclosure I think it’s this new barely legal nootropic supplement I’m testing, which promises Limitless pill but really just delivers shit tons of caffeine.)

That’s the frequency we’re tuning into now. Saturn is sinking into Pisces with karmic weight on Monday (This transit is the CHAPTER 2 in my Virgo Season Game Plan in Six Chapters article - find it HERE), Mercury sharpening its knives in Virgo and Uranus sparking in Gemini like a live wire no one bothered to tape down. It’s not calm. It’s never meant to be calm.

This is eclipse week’s antechamber, the last hallway before the floodgates burst. The universe isn’t asking politely anymore..it’s fully intending on prying open our ribcages and demanding we purge what rots.

Plans unravel. Ideas combust. Desires scrape against fears until sparks fly.

You might feel like you’re building a cathedral with one hand while the other hand is lighting a match to your old foundations. Both are true. Both are necessary.

So here we are, standing barefoot in the current, Saturn’s debts in one pocket, Uranus’ madness in the other, while the Pisces eclipse swells at the horizon like a tidal wave ready to baptize and obliterate us all at once.

This is not a week to play small. This is a week to get feral with the truth.

♓⚔️ Monday's Karmic Undertow: Saturn Retrograde Enters Pisces

Imagine Saturn: bones, bricks, and ledgers - wading into Pisces’ waters with steel-toed boots. The ocean doesn’t like it, and neither do you. This is the sound of reality cracking through your dreams like a lighthouse beam slicing the fog.

Saturn doesn’t come to soothe. Saturn comes to strip.

Retrograde means the scalpel turns inward now, digging through the soggy basement of your subconscious, pulling up ghosts you thought you’d drowned, illusions you swore you’d outgrown, addictions you’ve dressed up as “coping mechanisms.”

The eclipse tide is already rising behind it & Saturn wants to know: is your boat made of driftwood and denial, or are you willing to hammer nails into truth, even if it hurts your hands?

The work today is blunt, necessary & personal. Where are your boundaries dissolving into quicksand? Where have you been hiding behind “spiritual” bullshit instead of doing the gritty, human labor of being honest with yourself?

Saturn’s retrograde in Pisces is a cosmic intervention. Less guru on a mountaintop, more parole officer in your living room. You don’t get to escape this one.

Today’s medicine is discipline braided with compassion. Lay the first plank. Patch the first leak. The flood is coming, but Saturn is handing you the tools. What you build (or refuse to) determines if you ride the wave or get swallowed by it.

👑✍️ Tuesday's Cosmic Editor: Mercury Enters Virgo

After Saturn dragged us into the swamp yesterday, Mercury shows up today with a clipboard and zero tolerance for our excuses. This is Mercury in its power: razor-sharp, detail-drunk, obsessed with finding the flaw in the fabric. The fog burns off and suddenly every misplaced comma, every cracked boundary, every sloppy excuse is lit up in neon.

Precision becomes holy here. Honesty becomes medicinal. A single sentence..spoken clean, written true - can change the whole trajectory.

But here’s the trap: Mercury in Virgo can turn that scalpel inward until you’re flayed alive by your own perfectionism. Or worse..turn it outward, cutting everyone else to ribbons because they’re not meeting your impossible standard. Editing isn’t about evisceration. It’s about clarity.

Today’s task: strip away the filler, the fluff, the lies, the noise. Rewrite the chapter with clean lines and sharp bones. Don’t burn the book, just cut what keeps you from telling the truth.

⚡️💥 Wednesday's Brain-Breaking Static: Mercury in Virgo Square Uranus in Gemini

If Tuesday’s Mercury-in-Virgo editor was calmly marking typos, today that same editor has downed six espressos and stuck a fork in the socket. Mercury wants precision but Uranus wants revolution. Together? It’s genius on fire, clarity laced with chaos, brilliance that comes screaming in sideways.

Your brain today is a live wire: sparking, spitting, short-circuiting. Conversations ricochet off the walls. Ideas flash so fast you can’t catch them. It’s the “oops, I just said the forbidden thing out loud” transit. It’s hitting “reply all” on your darkest confession. It’s discovering a vision so ahead of its time it scares you, then doubting yourself five seconds later.

The danger: frying your circuits with too much static, burning bridges with words that scorch, or chasing every lightning bolt until you’re singed and smoking.

The gift: downloads of wild, future-shifting insight…if you can trap them before they vanish.

Today, write everything down. Capture the lightning in a bottle. Just don’t try to live inside the storm. Let the static settle before you decide which flashes are genius and which are just brain-gremlins on amphetamines.

🥊🔥 Thursday's Righteous Rage-Quit: Mars in Libra squares Jupiter in Cancer

This sounds like a loud collision of survival instincts. Mars in Libra wants to be the elegant swordsman, balancing grace with fairness, never tipping the scales too far (Mars in Libra is British?). But Jupiter in Cancer doesn’t give a damn about grace, it’s mama bear with teeth bared, defending fam, home & the soft underbelly of your life. The square between them is a gut-check: Do you fight for peace, or fight for protection?

The tension here can feel like trying to smile through a clenched jaw. You want justice, you want harmony, but your insides are screaming that something is non-negotiable. It’s the moment when passive-aggression explodes, when the “reasonable” mask drops and the raw, emotional truth roars out. Bold moves today carry weight, think rage-quitting, breaking up, flipping table and tossing a prosthetic leg across the packed restaurant.. but Jupiter warns: noble gestures don’t pay rent.

The medicine: know whose peace you’re actually protecting. Sometimes diplomacy is a shield, sometimes it’s a cage. Today demands a choice.

💭 🤝 Friday's Collective Power-Up: Moon in Aquarius trine Mars in Libra

After yesterday’s blood-and-thunder showdown, Friday is the cool rag pressed against the bruise. The Moon in Aquarius links arms with Mars in Libra, bringing a breath of fresh, rational air. The emotional heat cools into strategy. Suddenly, you see the bigger picture again. The revolution doesn’t have to be a solo act, it can be a group project.

This is the energy of late-night conversations with your allies, plotting change with precision instead of rage. Ideas flow easily, emotions align with action, and collaboration becomes a weapon. Yesterday’s raw nerve becomes today’s clear vision.

The medicine: Gather your people. Speak openly. Build the blueprint together. One voice is fire, but a chorus is thunder.

♊⏪ Saturday's Great Rewind: Uranus Stations Retrograde in Gemini

The thunderbolt turns inward today. Uranus, planet of shocks and sudden awakenings, slams on the brakes and begins its retrograde through Gemini, and all that static from Wednesday moves into your bloodstream. The outer chaos slows but the inner audit begins.

This is less “revolution in the streets” and more “revolution in the mirror.” What stories are you recycling? Which truths are you allergic to? The mind wants novelty, chaos, stimulation, but Uranus retrograde forces you to ask: what am I really believing, and why?

This is the moment to catch yourself parroting the algorithm or mistaking overstimulation for truth. The challenge: don’t bolt. Sit with the restlessness, let it itch. The rewiring is happening beneath the skin.

⚡️🌊 Sunday's Great Dissolve: The Total Lunar Eclipse in Pisces

Here it is. The flood. The lunar eclipse in Pisces will not be knocking politely. It tears down the dam. This is the tidal release, the breaking of illusions, the moment the waters surge through everything Saturn told you to test earlier in the week. What’s real remains. What’s false dissolves.

It’s messy. It’s overwhelming. It’s the collective sob after years of holding it in. Pisces asks you to surrender. The square pegs you’ve been hammering into round holes all week finally wash away, leaving the space for something softer, truer, more aligned.

But still, there’s softness in the apocalyptic tsunami. It can be both a purge and NOT be a punishment. It offers to take your ghosts, your delusions, your masks away with the tide. What’s left is raw, unvarnished truth. The kind that hurts and heals in the same breath.

The medicine: Don’t fight the current. Let it take what it must. On the other side of this flood, you’re lighter, clearer, and ready for the real work of building.

The DO’s & DON’Ts (of Not Losing Your Goddamn Mind)

• ⚔️Karmic Monday: Don't ignore that nagging feeling you need to get your shit together. Do build one single, healthy boundary.

• ✍️ Editing Tuesday: Don't try to solve world hunger. Do organize your junk drawer and answer that one email you've been avoiding.

• ⚡ Static Wednesday: Don't hit send on that unhinged manifesto to your boss. Do write it all down in a journal and then burn it.

• 🥊 Conflict Thursday: Don't start a fight to "keep the peace." Do stand up for your own damn sanctuary.

• 🤝 Ally Friday: Don't isolate. Do call your weirdest friends and plot.

• ⏪ Rewind Saturday: Don't make a radical change. Do question a "truth" you've held for years.

• 🌊 Eclipse Sunday: Don't resist the tears. Do let go of one thing that you know is holding you back.

♍ VIRGO SEASON WORKBOOK 🌾

Sweeping in like crisp linen sheets and freshly sharpened pencils, Virgo Season is inviting us to ground, refine & weave a little magic into the everyday. ✨

I’ve made you a 34-page Virgo Season Workbook, a lovingly designed grimoire packed with:

🌑 New & Full Moon spreads

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💎 Crystal + journaling companions

🧘‍♀️ Yoga + affirmations

🔦 The Hermit unpacked

🍂 Mabon / Equinox magic

…and plenty of original art, mantras & tarotscopes to keep you company through the season.

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🌾 👑 THE HARVEST QUEEN : A Guided Meditation for Thriving in Virgo Season

Virgo Season is coming to trade Leo’s wild bonfire picnic for something softer. Think golden fields, deep breaths & the gentle art of folding chaos into neat little squares. ✨

I made you a 25-minute Virgo Season Meditation to help you slow down, root deep & come home to your own sacred soil.

🌱 It’s a grounding, heart-centering spell wrapped in sound (with binaural frequencies, so headphones on 🎧)

💫☕

Ready to waltz with the planets??

I crafted a detailed personalized & actionable plan for each zodiac sign based on how the day-by-day-astrology messes up (or blesses up?) with your astrological houses.

✨The real feast is waiting just beyond the velvet rope for my lovely subscribers (aka the magical souls who’ve treated me to a coffee ☕💖).

When you subscribe, you unlock my detailed weekly guide, complete with tips and playful “homework” tailored to your rising sign, so you’ll see exactly how the transits are stirring up your personal astro houses and your real, lived life.

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