I know, shocking, but hear me out.

I don't go through life simply on the 'default settings' - you know that. I re-think and re-analyse EVERYTHING, like - even guinea pigs. I still don't quite understand what is the purpose of this animal?  And when I'm done shaping my theories, I come back and re-think them trillion times over - something I believe me & you have in common (you at least having an excuse in being a Gemini).

So naturally I asked myself all the usual - is alcohol fun because it numbs your pain / racing thoughts / worries / over-thinking / stress?

Is it fun because you like yourself better the sillier / the braver / the more awkward or less in control you get?

No.

It would make total sense, I guess that's the reason why we seek the mind-altering substances of all sorts in most of the cases, right? But completely honestly - it's a No for me. I don't drink to get drunk. (It happens, of course, but not by design.) It's never the plan, simply due to the fact I don't like not being ME FULLY very much. I roll with who I am and I don't care if that sounds conceited to the most. In my case - this doesn't mean I think I'm perfect. I'm just totally not head-tripping about the imperfections (of which there are MANY), and as long as I keep striving for growth & becoming a more kind & wholesome person, who gives a shit if I'm broke & unable to retain any savings deep into my thirties, if I get upset because my flatmates use more toilet paper than me (but seriously! One roll should last you longer than two days, stop feeding your ass toilet paper, it wants something else! ahahaha), if I'm loudly speaking against over-saturation of porn but my browser history makes me a hypocrite, if I preach minimalism but can't stop buying books, or that I hail natural beauty and spending money where it matters, but secretly dream of buying invisiligns?

I am as far from perfect as any other human being, but I make do with it and certainly don't feel like I need to conjure more courage, cheekiness or (lord forbid)chattiness by lubricating my conversations with booze.

After a careful deliberation, I'm quite confident in that I don't like cocktails simply just due to their ability to make you drunk. I could get drunk quite cheaply every day (if that was my main objective) on a cough syrup hidden in my drawer at work, or (ugggghhhhh bleeeurgh) a beer.

I don't love cocktails for what they do to me & where they take me (it's rarely far away from the usual ME), but for what they represent - something that's universally deemed not healthy, not mature, not sensible - but after refusing ourselves other temptations on daily basis ...

to fuck it all & quit our boring jobs & spit our boss in his stupid face, to go binge on MacDonald's, to do cocaine or MDMA Friday to Monday (yes, I too foolishly thought that this was just for people in their early twenties until I started working in advertisement), to call our ex, to spend rent money on treatments or gadgets we don't need but really really want, to skip the next and all the following fitness classes and melt into the sofa whilst scrolling on Netflix/Insta for hours instead...

.. we allow ourselves ONE UNREASONABLE ONE, one we know logically make no sense - no matter which way you spin it, but we made peace with it.  

For me, it's cocktails. And I'm having a particularly hard week at work, so please can you get the shaker out of the dishwasher for me?